Kicking the Darkness til it Bleeds Daylight, Part 2

I know it may sound insane for me to say this, but the days we are living through are neither good days nor bad days; they are just days.  The goodness and the badness of them is subjective, solely defined by where I am spiritually and how I am letting my external circumstances impact my inner world.

We are all overwhelmed by the days, the circumstances and the unknown. Many are feeling overwhelmed by emotions, emotions that we may have spent a lifetime running from or judging.

That has been my experience.  I am not only being overwhelmed by my emotions related to the recent changes of my life – moving from my home state of Virginia to a new but uncertain life in Kentucky, in graduate school, zero income as I start a new social enterprise – but overwhelmed by the uncertainty of a pandemic that is stripping us all of the certainties and securities we normally hold on to.

It may be obvious to you, but for me I am learning that my emotions do not just happen in my brain, they live in parts of my body: my neck carries stress; financial fears reside in my lower back; my dread in my stomach…the list goes on.

In these emotions and feelings lives an entire world, a life of its own being lived out on the screen of my body, a perpetual streaming Netflix binge.

And I tend to judge these emotions as good or bad, dark or light.  But labeling my emotions as ‘dark’ or ‘light’, good or bad, is dangerous.  By separating certain emotions as dark ones or light ones creates and perpetuates a fragmented existence creating two separate but equally delusional worlds: one that is superstitious (containing the so-called darker emotions of anger, fear, dreads, despair) and one world that is Magical (the lighter, more acceptable emotions of happiness, joy, pleasure).

These emotions that I feel in these days, all turned up to full volume, blasting their way through my body and mind, are only dangerous if I do not express them in healthy ways.  They can be dangerous if I judge them and attempt to place them in neatly constructed compartments in my head and body.

It is vital that I allow all my emotions to dwell together, almost like a quarantined community, staying close to each other but not too close. 

I am called to remember that fear, despair, sadness will not kill me or sink me; what will sink me is all the energy I use to avoid these feelings.

It is important to learn that there are no dark or bad emotions; there are only poor ways of dealing and coping with those emotions.

This pandemic has done much to reveal and remind us in modern society that although we are a highly evolved technological society, we are still infants in the world of exploring the shadows and pains in healthy ways.  We are novices in feeling comfortable with deep sadness, grief, despair and the unknown.

These emotions that overwhelm me and I tend to run from are neither good nor bad, they are pure energy. My emotions, like physical pain, are just talking to me, telling me where I must direct my energy, where I must wake up, take notice, and create movement.

There are no good emotions or bad ones; there are no dark emotions or light ones, there are just emotions.  These days are not good days or bad days, they are just days – days I am grateful to be alive, to be able to feel all the depths of my life and not get drunk or high or violent.

These days are THE days, the moments when I sense in all my being, the movement of Spirit leading me, comforting me, and holding me.

 

 

 

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