Holding Myself in Place

I’m make no bones about my being a person in long-term recovery from addiction.  I’m proud of it; for all that I have done, not done, gone through and grown through is all because of my recovery.  God has led me down this path of clean and sober living.

My inner world is more alive and content now than it has ever been  and all that is due to God’s grace coming through in the form of recovery.

With that in mind, I approach my recovery from the standpoint that I have a physical disease centered in the emotions that has a spiritual solution.  So I must be vigilant to maintain my spiritual state of being – growth and change are a must, and I am grateful that God specializes in those two areas.

Lately I have been having the overwhelmed sense of “stuckness” in recovery, which either can lead me to a breakdown or a breakthrough…it’s all in the perception.  Others, in my community of friends and family have also echoed this sentiment that I am talking like I am stuck in old behavior patterns, unable and/or unwilling to change.

It is quite common for those of us in recovery to experience these phenomena.

When I am stuck in old, usually destructive or toxic behaviors, I am in truth holding myself in place.

The great truth here is that I am the one responsible for my own stuckness.  Not God, not my parents, not my circumstances.  There is no one, no place, no situation to blame.  The buck, or better said the stuckness, stops here.

In short, I have been stuck for so long in alcoholic thinking, that even with years of sobriety, I will choose to stay stuck.  Crazy as it seems, I and not God, hold myself in place – read this to say I am holding myself back from the necessity of change that will bless mine and the lives of others.

Sometimes I am holding myself in place because of ignorance or a lack of awareness and sometimes I am holding myself in place because of fear.  Ignorance and fear are closely related in my spiritual journey for I am usually afraid of that which is unknown (i.e., what I am ignorant of) and therefore I assume going into the unknown, challenging my ignorance, is scary.  And it is.  But in letting fear win, I am choosing scarcity.  I am choosing ignorance.  I am choosing to say no to larger living.  Fear and ignorance, those things that lead to and maintain my stuckness, only perpetuate smallness, scarcity, loneliness and death.

Tommy Rosen (the founder of a great movement called Recovery 2.0) says that:

We hold ourselves in place, consciously and unconsciously because we were so used to “in active addiction we repeat old, tired experiments which net the same results.”  He says we hold on (to old behavior) “because we have not yet experienced something greater” than the same old, same old.

In recovery, I am offered numerous tools and opportunities to do life different, I am offered the ‘something greater’.  In recovery I am offered opportunities on a daily basis to change, to learn to let myself go, and to surrender into the hands of One Who knows better what is good and best for me.

So today, I surrender the stuckness to One who is named Grace…

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