The Gift of Being True

There is a form of hypocrisy we rarely speak of, the hypocrisy of not being true to ourselves. Not being true to ourselves can wreak havoc, lead one to split off and lead to a dualistic life. Not being true to ourselves is likened to a person living one way during the day and as another person at night. A good example of that is me: I was a full blown addict and alcoholic abusing narcotics and alcohol to dangerous extremes all while I was still trying to be a ‘good citizen’ living a lie. I proclaimed to be a soulful spiritual person, loving God and neighbor, all while breaking the law, being in bondage and destroying the people in my life.

But when I proclaimed out loud to myself and to others in similar straits that I am an alcoholic, the shackles fell like curtains before my eyes and the world opened up when I embraced all of me and re-started my journey embodying all that God made me to be.

And that is the obvious truth – God created me to be fully me, to be true to that, true to the divine image and gifts waiting to be offered to the world. When I pretend to be someone else, I am living a lie. I am living in hypocrisy. True confessions, I do it too much. Far too often I surrender the truth of who I am in order to fit in, to not rock the boat, and most of all, to be accepted.

Here’s the kicker, that even being 47 years old, I am still suspect and subject to peer pressure. I can literally become someone else, afraid to show my true colors for fear of “what if you don’t like me?”

What if I give you my all, my true God given self to you and it’s really not enough? What if those inner fears of inadequacy are true? What if? But worse than being inadequate is not being true to me – acting like someone I am not in order to fit into someone else’s mold.

That is a grave error for me to live that way. I am one with God. I am made in the image of God. You are too. We are already everything we’ve ever wanted to be in God’s eyes, but journey we must to the day when it is truth for us. We must heed the wisdom of Shakespeare: “to thine own self be true.” Or else we are screwed; screwed up, screwed over, and left at the end of the day being only shadows, smoke and mirrors. When I am not true to myself, I stop being real, I stop living and merely exist.

I must be true to myself for in doing so, I am being true to God. And that is all that matters in the end. My life is a journey – a journey with God, into God, into myself and into you. But I must never forget this story of my life starts with and ends with God. And in this story of my life, I have learned that God sometimes writes with crooked letters.

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